Men and Women have some obvious differences. Males are born with a penis and females are born with vaginas…at least most of the time. To myth bust for a moment, let me declare, for all of you sceptics, males and females are from planet earth, not from venues and mars. Society likes to turn to the planets to excuse the societal constructs that separate men and women and inevitably lead to damaging gender roles.
Many will argue that men and women are very different – I don’t buy it. The ones arguing for this position are usually white science dudes. These dudes constantly attempt to justify everything by declaring it’s all evolutionary psychology.
We’re all human beings, and we work in the same ways, at least biologically speaking. Some obvious differences are that men can’t breastfeed or have children. That’s a big one. Women do not produce sperm. Not a real loss. Although I’m sure science dudes would disagree since they admire any phallus ejaculating, how mesmerizing…not.
We don’t have all the answers for the differences between men and women – but we have to acknowledge that biology as well as environmental influences plays large roles in how humans develop. This whole “evolutionary psychology” being used to back up harmful cultural roles is dangerous. Our environment influences our behaviour, the way we think, and how we live our lives. Our environment is composed of power struggles, men on top, woman on bottom. This gets passed on like a bad cold.
If a male is brought up to believe he should not cry, he should be strong, proud, and dominant and in control he is influenced by this aspect of his environment. This conception of masculinity gets passed on through father to son. The same applies for females who are brought up to believe they need to be submissive, retain their innocence, and please their future husbands…as all women are assumed at birth to be heterosexual.
Almost all girls are brought up with at least some gender roles. It’s pretty damn hard to avoid it. But that does not mean we should stop trying.
Women are influenced greatly by their environment. A girl who is forced to wear pink, wear poofy dresses, pierce their ears and play with baby dolls and other role-defining toys will likely have a different experience from a girl that is raised in a more unisex manner. A way that allows the child to be a child, not fit into some predesignated role.
Where does this traning leave us? Have we been put into a mould that we can’t break free from? Of course not. We’re human beings, we have great ability to change and adapt. This does not always happen however, because of various factors including one prominent one: patriarchy.
I want to touch on the social constructs of gender, based on our assigned sex. The question sitting in my head a lot is, why is this idea of masculine, or ‘manliness’ that comes with being ‘a real man’ so strived for? Most of us have heard the term Manhood many times, rarely do we hear womanhood. Manhood is considered the universal, the most important.
Masculinity causes boys to grow up hearing other boys be taunted for showing emotions. If they do, feminized insults shoot their way, “stop being a girl”, “you throw like a girl”, “wimp”, “fag” etc. Being feminine is the biggest insult ever.
Often these themes of being “manly” are reinforced by major male role models like fathers. This so-called manly behaviour is usually reinforced in the nuclear family. Boys learn how to hunt, fight, and remain calm in emotional situations. Be a man, whatever that means.
This is the message. Men live with it, strive for it and usually never reach the perfection of masculinity, although these dood bro types are trying their best. So why the battle for masculinity, why not the battle for humanity? Why not striving for humanity, acknowledging the humanity of others, regardless of their gender or your gender. Why limit yourself as men? So many men refuse to uncover why they act the way they act, this causes one to be closed to changing their lives. So many men refuse to become egalitarian, treat others like human beings. Why is being a man synonymous with being oppressive? Why partake in masculine acts that include aggressiveness, dominance and control - behaviours that harm others and essentially the person acting that way. Masculinity trains men to hate women. Masculinity embraces everything wrong in the world.
Why can’t men strive to be human beings? Why separate yourself from being human? Allow yourself to experience humanity and stop hiding behind the shield of masculinity, of ideas of honour, dominance, aggression and emotional ‘strength.’
Why not teach our sons to be kind, considerate and socially conscious? Why not teach our sons not to fight, not to try and just be a man? Masculinity is a dangerous construct, it will push and punch its way to the top, stumbling over the bodies of women and children on the way up.
i am about as far from masculine as they come for a straight man, and i constantly struggle with retaining my identity as an atypical male in society not because of pressure from other men to "be a man" and risk of alienation from them but more because of pressure to have masculine traits to be desired by straight women. to point the finger solely at men to evaluate and emasculate their gender construct is problematic at best. it takes two to tango as they say, and guess what: one of those two has to dance on the female side for the male side to work.
ReplyDeleteI have to disagree - The female side is always under a constant power struggle with men. It is mostly men who run the media, the ones who are dictating what is "manly"
ReplyDeleteIt's not that I am blaming individual men for this construction, but rather the class of men, mostly those who are powerful and influence the masses of men.