Thursday, May 26, 2011

Canadian Couple Raises Child Genderless and The Media Goes Wild!

Yesterday, as I was browsing through the daily current events, I came across an article about a couple raising their child "genderless." The parents of the child, 4 month old Storm, have decided to withhold their child's sex so that the child can grow up and discover life without the constraints of gender, including stereotyping and everything else that comes with it. "We've decided not to share Storm's sex for now -- a tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation, a stand up to what the world could become in Storm's lifetime" stated Storm's parents in an interview.


(photo of Storm and her parents found here)

Herds of "Child Experts" are continuing to attack the parents, screaming amongst themselves about biological essentialist nonsense that has no hard evidence supporting it. One mother even wrote that she felt it was a "lab experiment" and thus unethical. A news reader wrote "The world around us has been set by thousands of years of social evolution. To try to undo this evolution through your child is very selfish and very inconsiderate to the child." This statement is based on sociobiology, or as it is better known as, evolutionary psychology which purports that human cultures are biologically hard-wired (and thus fixed) and that all humans follow the same rules of nature (based on social Darwinist priniciples) as other species do, even socially and culturally. However, the commentary continues. A Columnist from the Toronto Star announced her condescending "warnings" for the parents, "Without boundaries, I wonder if little 4-month-old Storm will wander aimlessly, like so many of my thirty-something friends"

Indeed, because bringing up your child in the same old and tired format is so damn effective, since you know, our kids are turning out so happy these days - what with suicides, self-harming, eating disorders, bullying, depression and so forth. In any other situation, people would likely not feel so inclined to stick their nose so far into a stranger's parenting techniques, but there you go. Also, in response to the columnist, why do kids need gender boundaries? All that these boundaries accomplish is limiting children's self-expression and cause them to build a self-concept based upon unequal gender expectations. Our kids are more miserable than ever before, so what possible DAMAGE could these radical parents possibly cause? How is allowing your child to grow up free of social bondage a bad thing? They are not choosing the child's gender (the angry mobs fail to realize gender and sex are not mutually exclusive) these parents are allowing the child to grow into whoever they want to be, not who society tells them they they should be. 

(look pretty happy to me! photo found here )


After recieving enormous helpings of hostile and foaming-at-the-mouth responses, Kathy, Storm's mother, wondered "Isn't defensiveness sometimes a first sign of learning or changing behaviour, so even the ‘rabid' responses may have a place in making the world a more thoughtful place." I applaud her ability to be the bigger person in the face of media-driven criticism and realize that anger can often spark real change - sometimes you need to offend people to make them think.

Regardless, the amount of crap these parents are enduring right now really shows that there are people who are willing to work against the status quo and do what they feel is best for their child. Allowing a child to grow up without the burdens of gender is a commendable action. This way, the kid has the free choice (something they are often robbed of) to discover their own identities and goals based on their status as a human being, with full humanity - not some social label that is apparently "hardwired." But, what also boggles my mind, is how these "Child Experts" would view cultural differences in regards to gender and other social constructions. Have they ever took the time to ponder that not everyone in the world follows the West's rigid two-gender assumptions? These experts set the "first world" as the default for everyone else, since you know, we're just so "modern." We're so modern that our kids are killing, cutting and starving themselves.

These parents are leaders in revolutionary parenting and making grassroot radical changes. If more people followed their lead, we would be closer to reaching an egalitarian society based on human worth, not harmful social constructs that lead to extreme oppression and dehumanization. Luckily, a case like this has popped up before in Sweden in 2009. A couple decided to raise their child "Pop" genderless, despite media outpour asking, "What are the effects of growing up genderless" - well, likely less harmful than the current model! 

The gender binary is toxic to everyone and kids end up bearing the heaviest burden as they form their identities and bonds with others. This couple is an inspiration to me, as they have given me a glimpse of hope for our future. 

If you want to check out more of the disturbing commentary, you can do so here

 (last photo of baby Storm found here)

9 comments:

  1. I hope this story has a happy ending to it. Children growing up without gender stereotypes thrust upon them are the best chance of undoing the rigid patriarchal society we live in, it would seem to me. I second your applause for these parents, especially little Storms' mother, for remaining so tactful in the face of what are obviously such hurtful comments. No one wants to hear that they're raising their child wrong in the eyes of another. It must be so hard to remain cool and collected while dealing with that.

    And of course Sweden did it first. *sigh* Is there anything that the Swedes DON'T do right?

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  2. Those people bugging Storm's parents need to shove it because at least we know that there are a few parents taking up the challenge of raising kids without strict gender constraints. And here is the main reason why I want to get sterilized via tubal ligation: because I don't want to bring in another child and have them have to face the pressure and the scrutiny to conform to these strict gender constraints. Now, if I didn't have a hip problem, and if I was more willing to become a parent, then maybe I wouldn't mind having a kid AND I would give that genderless approach a chance. But, I don't think I would want to raise the kid here in Canada... and for sure, not in the U.S. I would like to move to Sweden one day - or, at least have a dual citizenship.

    Anyway, it's not the end of the world if the parents decide to take up radical parenting. And by the sounds of it, the people who are attacking Storm's parents sound like they could be another one of those nutjob "pro-life" groups who just can't seem to make up their mind: first, abortion is "evil", and now, raising a child is also evil... well, only evil if you decide to raise it genderless.

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  3. And I also forgot to add: shouldn't loving your child for who they are be more important than their gender?

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  4. As they cannot raise the baby in vacuum , it is literally impossible to raise it "child free". And we've already seen the disasterous affects from Money's experiment on DR, while it sadly lead to DR's death, it clearly proved humans arent born "gender free", as any parent can attest.

    And considering the parents were'nt raised "gender free" it would be impossible for them to do like wise.

    I only hope the child isnt a girl, there are enough negative messages out there telling us there is something wrong with us. Being raised that you dont exist is even worse, as most Butch women know all too well.

    If these parent were actually interested in breaking new gender ground and not their obvious 15 minutes of fame, they would raise the child as the boy or girl that he or she is and work to expand what we're conditioned is possible for that little boy or little girl.

    Thank god I didnt grow up thinking there was something inherently wrong with male and female, only the limits placed on them.

    dirt

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  5. Is anyone really surprised by these reactions?

    On another note, I wish deciding to raise the child genderless was all one needed to end the perpetuation of gender roles, but it isn't. The parents have internalized certain notions regarding "male" and "female" behavior. They also know the sex of their child. This may subconciously effect the way in which they interact with the child. Additionally, the family does not live in a bubble. Whether or not one accepts that it takes a village to raise a child, the village will have its say, and the child will react to that say.

    The conscious effort is definetely required for change. If the parents keep this in mind then at least their child can experience a bit less stress until interacting with gendered kids more regularly. This is critical. There have been cases of parents who did not impose gender restrictions before, and it was their peer group which policed them.

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  6. @Dedgurlcingztheblooze
    You make a great point about the village who raises the child having the say and about peer policing. I wasn't sure whether the article stated if the parents homeschooled or not, but you are right, either way there will be community reaction. I recall this sort of thing happening to me as a kid, my friend's parents would comment about my "wearing boy clothes" more than my parents ever did and the perceptions of others do have an impact when you're a kid. Not that dressing unfeminine is the same as being raised by my parents without gender, but slightly relevant. The bit about subconciously knowing her sex was also a good point. Gender stereotypes are so deeply imbedded. I still think it will challenge a lot of people about their notions of "correct" childrearing, even if it is out of sheer anger. But, only time will tell how many of them were actually challenged and how many were just angered by the notion of a "genderless" child..

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  7. I don't know if the Money case is the same, as there was a botch circumcision and the child was raised in a particular role deemed by the parents and doctors, not by the kid.

    But, I do agree with your point about the parents not being raised "gender free," and how this will impact their raising of Storm as gender-free.

    Regardless of how much this will accomplish for society, I think it is a step forward...Instead of raising kids in biological deterministic ways of being only the 2-model "male" or "female" as many people do not identify as either "Man" or "Woman" as they are both socially created caricatures. Maybe it will provide Storm with a more limitless childhood - time will tell. I don't think though, that these parents wanted some fame, they only did one interview and have refused all of the others. I applaud them for speaking about it as it challenges the status-quo ideas of childhood and parenting.

    You made a lot of insightful comments that have made me think twice, particularly about the parent's being raised gendered.

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  8. I don't have a link offhand, but I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that it was a relative, and not the parents that alerted the media. I don't buy the whole "Oh, they're attention whoring" argument.

    On the subject of a village subjecting the kid to gender policing, I think this is exactly what these parents are trying to avoid, at least for a little while. On one hand, yes the parents are subject to their own gender-conditioning, but it's clear that they have at least a little bit of self-awareness of how these social constructs work, or else they wouldn't have embarked on such a mission. But on the other hand, relatives, friends, and even strangers on the street (such as the couple who commented on my beautiful baby boy, and responded with shock when I said she was a girl, because 'Why is she wearing BLUE?' ... a blue dress *sigh*) can engage in gender policing that can be internalized at a very early age.

    I think it's naive to think you can stop all gender socialization and policing, but I can't really fault these parents for wanting to try and minimize it.

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  9. Yandie, I agree with you - we can't stop all gender policing and socialization, but at least the parents are trying a new approach. It's better than leaving it the way it is now which is complete crap. The colour incident with your child is perfectly illustrative of the true absurdity of gender policing - i mean, that is ridiculous!

    I also had no idea a relative spilled the news, but it kind of makes sense as the parents only agreed to give one interview (such media whores! haha)

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