I've just been informed by an Anonymous poster that my blog title, "Boner Killer" is encouraging and perpetuating "sexual violence" towards men.
Now that I have finished my lengthy guffaw from the mere shock of the comment, lets hear your thoughts...especially those of you who have expressed a love for my blog title.
Just for the record, Anonymous, killing a boner implies that I am taking away a boner. It does not imply that I literally take to the streets to castrate men and somehow physically overpower them. It certainly doesn ot imply that I, or any other woman for that matter, has the societal power to even walk up to a man in the same way they would walk up to us prior to an assault. This scenario would likely have a pretty rare place in our society, given how women are systematically treated by men around the world. I mean, we can't even go for a walk in the evenings without fearing rape or harassment.
But I digress. Let's get back to what "boner killer" means...
When someone refers to someone else as a "boner killer" they mean that the other person is a sort of wrecker-of-fun - someone who is attempting to destroy a man's boner or his "good time" somehow. An example of this is my blog search-terms. After the Black Swan came out on DVD, many people were searching "Black Swan Boner Killer" and this would bring them to my blog. It is likely the Black Swan was referred to this way because the film did not contain an amount of boner-inducing zest for these dudes and so they said it was a "boner killer."
Women who refuse to live up to conventional beauty standards and fail to give a rat's arse about giving dude's the jollies in their trousers are often called "Boner Killers" - that is why this blog is titled as such.
Personally, it terribly unfortunate to me that someone came here to comment and pretend that sexual violence perpetrated by women against men is a relevant concern in our world - considering how pervasive violence against women is, systematically and otherwise. This is not suggesting that men are not sexually abused or harmed by women. The large majority the of sexual abuse and assault against boys and men are committed by other men. However, this blog is about women and the realities that women face; grim realities. They are everywhere. It is happening every moment of every day, somewhere in the world.
So, to those who wish to comment (those who follow my comment policy) here is my question to you: Are men really at risk for "sexual violence" because of my desire to turn a bonerfied woody into a damp sock? Will gaggles of women take to the streets to be "sexually violent" towards men? Your thoughts...
Oh, and just a reminder, Anonymous comments do not get published - this has been in my comment policy since day one and so adequate warning has been provided.
Photo found here
Is boner killing violence against men...? Pft, hell no. Even if it was, that's nothing compared to what they (especially rich white heterosexual men) have done to us for soo many centuries - they rape us, they prostitute us, they racialize/colonize us, and they leave many people in poverty.
ReplyDeleteAnd when men do get raped in some cases, it's usually done by other men... it's very, very, VERY rare for a woman to do it to a man.
I'm sick and tired of these arrogant douchebags acting as if they're boners need as much dire attention as a woman who is need of support after getting raped.
And NO, men are for the most part not at risk for sexual violence. If there's one thing that they're at risk for, it's becoming a rapist.
Really. I wonder what Mr. Anonymous thinks of the utterly disgusting term "Lady Killer"? I mean, that's supposed to describe a man who's "good with the ladies, amirite?" That term sounds more ominous than your blog title. I have a feeling Mr. Anonymous fancies himself quite the "Lady Killer".
ReplyDeleteAre men at risk because of you blog title? Please. That title poses about as much threat to men as a wet napkin does to a bear. If some dude out there is all butthurt at the thought of someone killing his boner, maybe he shouldn't be using it to hurt people in the first place.
If "win a wife" and mail order bride" are to be taken literally than so should "boner killer". If one should not be taken literally than the others should not. Mr/Ms anonymous has simply used your tortured logic against you. How many times have you on this blog based an argument on a narrow interpretation of a phrase. You in your Dan Savage post vilify him for the term Libertarian even though there are many uses of the term. But than again you seem to think all porn contains violence against women (most does not by the way). The fact that you thin that to me shows that you have not viewed much porn. Which would mean your views on it were uneducated and unreached. In fact I would bet that all you knew about porn came from other anti porn feminists.
ReplyDeleteWell to get back on track it seems your method of reading into a term the meaning that fits your preconceived notions of what someone thinks is apparently catching on with others.
Witchy Woman,
ReplyDeleteMy ideas and views about porn were developed not only from reading through the research from various academic spaces, but also listening to women who have exited the sex industry (either porn or prostitution) as well as having researched the films myself. I have sat through violent films of women being plummeted about by men and ejaculated onto in order to critique and analyse such films and what they mean in our culture. I have also looked to the other side of the argument and have watched interviews with pro-porn folks and even interviews with the directors of the violent films. I find it absolutely unfair that you have decided to tell me what I know and what I do not know and how I am failing to develop my ideas in such a way that aligns with yours. It's unfortunate you have made such sweeping assumptions about my ideas and my work.
As for the libertarian comment, I was referring to the philosphical ideologie of general self-interest and the notion that one should do what what benefits oneself - Ayn Rand anyone?
Savage fails to critique larger systems of power in his work which also lends to me the idea that he is not counter-capitalist and likely wants to "reform" the system. He also tells women they are "Selfish shits" for refusing to fuck their husband after they were raped. Any man who tells a woman that through a published magazine is not my ally. That's for sure.
Bonny,
ReplyDeleteYes. It is really mind-boggling to me when others pretend that men face the same systematic violence or risks as women do - it's much like the argument that white people can fall victim to racism by non-white people. It is impossible as the systems of power are already in place to subordinate one group and not the other among various other reasons, one being colonialism.
Women will never systematically rape and destroy the male sex class because 1) We believe all humans should be free of oppression and 2) we don't have any social power to somehow turn the tables and systematically oppress the male sex in the same way they do to us.
Thank you for your addition and hope you have a great weekend.
" But than again you seem to think all porn contains violence against women (most does not by the way)."
ReplyDeleteThe outstandingly POPULAR pornography is HARDCORE pornography which includes VERY explicit violence against women. I suggest you stop denying realities and start listening to the women who have exited from this pornography instead of concluding that the women are treated with respect.
There is zero tolerance for this complete lack of misinformation you are presenting about pornography - much research has been done and I suggest you read it.
The last I will say on this, since my time will not be wasted discussing whether or not women experience violence in the pornography industry, here is a fantastic and educational film
ReplyDeletehttp://www.mediaed.org/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi?preadd=action&key=235
While I do agree that a blog title such as "Boner Killer" will not encourage violence against men, I was surprised to see that you dismissed the fact that some men are victims of sexual violence perpetrated by women. Surely, women are definitely more at risk than men are for sexual violence, and according to current statistics, men commit the most sexually violent acts in our society. However, there ARE men who have been sexually abused by women, and there ARE men who have been raped by women. While these are in the minority, I think it was unfair of you to assert that men are never victims of these kinds of crimes, or if they are, it isn't important. Just like the statistics for how many women are raped or sexually assaulted are low due to the fact that many women are scared to report incidents (don't know how to report them, don't realize they've been a victim of a crime due to our "blame the victim" society, etc), I imagine that the statistics regarding female against male rape and sexual assault is even lower considering the same societal pressures on men ("blame the victim", etc) as WELL as the societal pressures put on men to be "manly".
ReplyDeleteI find your comment that Caucasians cannot be discriminated against racially by non-Caucasians similarly flawed. Certainly it might not be as wide-spread a problem (though I think if you take a look at popular non-Caucasian comedians, you will see the majority of jokes are racist against Caucasians), but it IS still a problem.
To dismiss the feelings of anyone who is the victim of racism or female against male assault or rape simply because it may not be the "norm" compared to what others experience is insensitive.
But overall, I've enjoyed reading your blog (so far, I'm still kind of a newbie). And I certainly think that perhaps this anonymous commenter was taking your blog title a little too seriously.
if you were to go on to any free porn site and sample the first ten films I guarantee most would not have a single act of violence against women. Unless you consider the everyday sex acts (piv, oral sex, etc) inherently violent and I have a slight suspicion that you do. That would be a real study. The numbers that did vs the number that didn't would actually be relevant. Otherwise you are taking the worst as a representation of the whole drama. Just as Ayn Rand does not represent all Libertarians ( Even Chomsky describes himself as a libertarian) Violent rape porn does nt represent all porn especially in the mainstream.
ReplyDeleteKatie,
ReplyDeleteI have NEVER ever dismissed that men can be victims of violence, including sexual violence. What I am saying is this sort of nit-picking of my blog name is another attempt to shut women up and deny the realities.
Women are told to shut up when they mention the amount of sexual violence and battery that men commit against us - why? Because men also sometimes experience these things. On a much lower scale and without the systematic powers working against them in the same way they work against women as a class.
The fact of the matter is, the outstanding majority of these crimes, globally speaking, are committed by men against women. We cannot deny this. I did not deny this nor the fact that men sometimes fall into this category. particularly at the hands of other men. In war and in male-dominated institutions such as prisons, men often commit violence against other men. A current example of this recently was revealed in Haiti where several male UN soldiers raped a young Haitian man.
Nevertheless, this is a blog concerned with women's rights and women's liberation from patriarchal oppression and not a blog that is for men. As a feminist, I will not apologize for reiterating the horrendous realities women face around the world at the hands of men. This is not suggesting men cannot become victims, to suggest this would be ridiculous, but it is sticking the fact that in the outstanding majority of cases on a global basis regarding rape, domestic violence and murder women and girls are disproportionately affected.
Also, for the record, I would appreciate my words NOT being misrepresented - you clearly misrepresented my post and have used it as a tactic to silence the truth about what happens to women systematically. I am tired of other women attempting to call me out on being "unfair" to men. Feminism is not about feeling sorry for hurting some dude's feelings when we discuss the oppression we face at their hands. As someone who lives with a man and who has a nephew, i would never deny the fact that men experience violence, how could I? Why would I? That is not the goal of this blog. The goal of this blog is to outline the realities of women. To outline the realities that perpetuate women's oppression. That is why it exists. You can find all sorts of male-identified groups online, they belong to Men's Rights Activists who are determined to shut women's groups down. As clarified in my comment policy, MRA tactics and MRA apologism will not be tolerated here, even if it is presented by a woman.
"I find your comment that Caucasians cannot be discriminated against racially by non-Caucasians similarly flawed. "
ReplyDeleteWell, there are a lot of white-privilege denying blogs out there, too - about how oppressed white people are by non-white people. Why not go check the racist blogs out rather than bringing the denials of colonialism to this blog? I think that would be the best idea...That sort of denial is not welcome here, as outlined in the comment policy. If you actually, truly believe a white person can be a victim of "racism" which well, you really have no reason to be on this blog. I am not here to explain basic power dynamics regarding race on this blog - I am not here to educate you on white privilege.
There's no such thing as 'racism against white people'. And of course men are victims of sexual assault BUT often these arguments are used to shut women up, as Owl Eyes has pointed out. Sexual violence is gendered but often when feminists say that which is true, that women are subject to violence by men en masse, whereas men are not the specific subjects of a world wide attack on their bodies (and lives), someone chimes in with the 'men are raped too' argument. You should all read the article "THE FACTS AND POLITICS OF INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE" (link to pdf here: http://www.acswcccf.nb.ca/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&layout=blog&id=47&Itemid=61&lang=en&limitstart=10).
ReplyDeleteBoner Killer means, exactly as she explains here, to ruin sexy fun times. You can't actually 'kill' a boner. A boner isn't alive. The blog is not called 'Man Killer' though I wonder if, as Owl Eyes ALSO points out, you all get all up in arms when people use the phrase 'lady killer' ALL THE TIME. I'm sorry but this conversation is ridiculous.
Sad that such a brilliant post is attracting some truly daft comments.
ReplyDelete"Win a wife" is literally what is going on here. There is no metaphor whatsoever. "Boner Killer" is a known metaphor used in the way that the OP clearly described. And as Meghan says, boners are not alive and cannot be killed, thus the phrase by definition HAS to be metaphor. The argument Witchy Woman is making, that if one is metaphor they both have to be, is either spectacularly stupid or willfully deceptive. It's also a clear derail from what the OP is talking about, just like the "what about sexual assault against men?!?"
Witchy woman - just the fact that you suggest a theoretical sample of ten porn sites out of more than four hundred million, indicates that you have no real idea of the extent of porn, much less the misogynous violence of porn.
ReplyDeleteA quick free search will find you graphic imagery of the brutal rapes of women and children who are currently trafficked and held as prisoners. These women and children are filmed in their torture and then posted on the internet as porn for the consumption of men and their enablers.
This IS mainstream porn.
Btw the Ayn Rand analogy is totally irrelevant and stupid.
Men, especially white hetro sexual men have caused women and girls of all colours and creeds soooo much suffering, much of which has been done and is being done through violence.
ReplyDeleteWhen women do turn to violence against men it is usually in self defense.
Men who make comments like this one get angry when women don't allow themselves to be used and abused by men.
Comments like this should not even be entertained
Hi. Feminist here. Many domestic violence victims are men. Please don't diminish their suffering just because they have a penis. Don't play oppression olympics, because nobody wins.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand, Kirsten, how I have dimished violence against men? Is it so difficult for other women to accept the fact that millions of women every day suffer at the hands of men? This sort of apologism is very destructive as it once again creates a silence surrounding violence against women. Talking about the millions of women every day is not "diminishing" men's violence. when men are raped or murdered by other men, it makes the news and the men are portrayed as victims. when women are raped and killed by men they are either ignored by the media all together or considered an illegitimate victim. I suggest reading some extensive research conducted by various feminist scholars including Diana Russell and also Joni Seager's "Atlas of Women of the World" for comprehensive and up-to-date statistics regarding violence of women worldwide. We cannot keep pretending that the violence is equal or that men are systematically oppressed in the same way as women are. Men are not part of an oppressed sex class and thus do not experience the same levels of abuse across cultures, age, class and race. Violence against women occurs against ALL women, every day. Violence against men by women exists, which my blog didn't deny (but this is not a men's blog, clearly) but the outstanding number of assaults against men are by other men. It is not difficult to see the ones starting wars and conducting human rights abuses in the name of "international development" are NOT women. Why? because as women, as members of the sex class, we are not provided with the same access to power.
ReplyDelete