How to be the Most Beautiful Woman in the West According to Patriarchy
1) Put shitloads of chemical dyes into your hair
2) Stop eating
3) Work out until you vomit
4) Lay in a bed of ultra violet rays
5) Get your breasts stuffed with foreign objects so they look pained and swollen
6) Shave your pelvic area and vulva
7) Stick chemicals onto your vulva so they smell “ideal”
8) Wax yourelf weekly, despite the cost
9) Get chemicals put on your nails
10) Pay someone to rub your feet every week
11) Get your labia mutilated by a surgeon
12) Wear tons of makeup, who cares about lead?
13) Show off your legs as much as possible (must be shaved)
14) Wear push up bras that suffocate your breasts so they are slammed as far up as possible
15) Never forget high heels, your back isn’t as important as beauty
16) Wax your upper lip
17) Shove shit in your eyes so you don’t need those ugly glasses
18) Get an airbrusher from Sephora so you don’t have to look like you
19) Vomit after food
20) Weigh daily
21) Put chemicals in your hair to make sure it doesn’t move
22) If you have curly hair, iron it
23) Stab a hole in your tongue and put a gem in it
24) Rub expensive lotion on your butt to make it smoother
25) Feel guilty if you eat anything good
26) Constantly compare yourself to celebrities and feel insecure often
27) Always smile
28) Suck dick and pretend to like it
29) Watch porno with your boyfriend despite your disgust
30) Curl your eyelashes
31) Get a laser to the skin to remove unsightly hairs
32) Stab a whole in your clitoris and put a gem in it
33) After you get pregnant, make sure you don’t gain back the weight
34) Don’t swear
35) Don’t be difficult
36) Inject chemicals into your face to hide wrinkles
37) Put bleach on your teeth
38) Perfume regularly
39) Never be free
Ahahaha!! This is great. I learned this the IRL way when I was about 18. I was heart-broken (yes, my high school boyfriend) and decided to get patriarchal-FABULOUS. Which meant starving myself to super skinny, growing my hair long, and wearing tight jeans with heels. GUESS WHAT?? All the menz just LOVED me. I didn't even do most of that other shit. Yet suddenly, I became much more "popular" and received constant validation from external sources. WHAT KIND OF ATTENTION IS THAT? The formulaic, FAKE kind.
ReplyDeleteIt feels so EMPTY. :( And yet, we have young women DESPERATE for this! Believing that it is, truly, EMPOWERMENT! So sad. And destructive. Very, very destructive.
Thanks for the list! You're officially on my google reader & I LOVE IT!!
Yeah, i totally did that in high school, the thong panties that were horribly uncomfortable, didn't eat much, having super long hair etc
ReplyDeleteIt is so sad and like you said it's just empty attention, it's fake...it's like society will never stop telling women and girls how "wrong" they are.
I'm glad you like my blog <3 I love yours!
I am amused at how in this post and others you treat oral sex like something all women hate but are forced to do. I think the reality that many women enjoy it (people in general find enjoyment with giving pleasure to their partners) clashes with your delusional worldview. Men and women do things to get the attention of the opposite sex (and sometimes the same sex)because they find that attention fun to receive. Not because they are slaves.
ReplyDelete"22) If you have curly hair, iron it"
ReplyDeleteYES THIS 100X over. I have naturally curly hair, and it would literally take me more than an hour to dry it out straight and iron it-and that's with it fairly short. It was HELL.
Oh UP and OwlEyes, that was me in high school too.
Like how UP started after heartbreak, I started after my ex said he wanted to fuck other people on the side. I did pretty much everything here except perfuming my bits and the stuff that requires a lot of money (airbrush, plastic surgery, etc-tho I planned on getting implants from middles school and up). Oh and I didn't dye my hair because ex liked that I had dark hair, because I looked "exotic." The other menz loved me then too. Empty describes how I felt then perfectly.
Berocoayla, when you see a man shaving his legs, waxing his balls, painting his face, perfuming his dick, and reading romance novels to learn what his girlfriend might like, do inform us.
bertocoayla, a lot of people associate pleasure in subordination. So, should it be left un-critiqued because some people like it?
ReplyDelete