The Politics of Motherhood

As a live-out caregiver, or "nanny", I have been observing the realities of motherhood. Being a mother appears to be incredibly difficult. Plain and simple. As long as I can remember, having children has seemed incredibly unappealing. I never daydreamed about a large, heterosexual wedding followed by gaggles of crying and pooping newborns. Babies, until I became an aunt several times over, seemed strange and quite repulsive to me. Now, I tolerate babies - some of them are kind of cute and I certainly adore my 4 month old niece, but I could never house another human being inside my body let alone raise that human being for 18 years. The pregnancy, the birthing, the overhaul of one's lifestyle and the dedication, strength and selflessness that comes with motherhood sound foreign - unimaginable, actually, since after one does all of these physically and mentally demanding activities only to have them go unappreciated. 


Motherhood is horribly undervalued. Women are almost always responsible for the majority of child-rearing around the world. But, despite the fact that they raise little humans and oversee those human's safety at all times; they remain undervalued. As mentioned in my last post, women are socialized as caregivers, nurturers and mothers. Women are said to be biologically hardwired to want - even need, to have babies and take care of others. It's just our nature. 


Mothers on a global level are expected to dedicate themselves fully to their children and their families. Even more pathetic is the fact that millions of mothers and female caregivers can't feed themselves let alone their families. Millions of mothers around the world are expected to live in poverty while trying to maintain the lives of their children - yet motherhood remains, on a systematic and societal level, to be undervalued. 


To add to the struggles of motherhood, many women work more than one job. Internationally speaking, countless numbers of women work long hours on top of raising and caring for their children. Many of these women work in terrible conditions, sometimes alongside their children - making barely enough to eat and often these women are working to free themselves from debt bondage. Mothers work long these hours only to return to their families and work even more within the home. When speaking of global women's issues, one must remember that poverty has a woman's face and very often, a mother's face.


Even in the West, women often are disproportionately held responsible for child-care because it is viewed as a woman's "natural" role - women are to feel guilty and ashamed if they cannot fulfill all of their essential "duties." If a mom is privileged enough to do so, having a child in child-care in most places around the world is terribly expensive and possibly unsafe. With an exception to European countries, much of the available child-care is unregulated, privatized and costly. Furthermore, the price of raising a child in North America is absurd and many women cannot afford to lose an entire income because they are unable to find affordable and secure child-care.


To add to the stresses of everyday life mothers also become constant targets for intense criticism in our capitalist-culture that thrives off the struggles of others. This criticism is often publicized - whether in communities or on national television. This is because moms who fail to wake up each day with a smile are forced to feel guilty for not adequately portraying themselves as a "good mom" to a society that undervalues moms at large. Actually, think about how many "bad mothers" there are in relation to "bad fathers" in popular culture. This concept of "bad mother" is established when a mother is viewed by the dominant culture to have stepped out of her prescribed role of Nurturer. These mothers are immediately criticized while neglectful fathers are much more socially accepted and much less stigmatized. It is more socially-acceptable for fathers to be less-involved with their children - it is viewed as acceptable for men because the archaic gender roles that are still in place claim men are natural "providers." This is not to suggest that loving fathers do not exist - they do, but these dads are viciously outnumbered by women who do 98% of the child-rearing around the world.  Of course, many women choose to have children and enjoy being a parent, but what happens when motherhood is not desired, not a "choice" - how do we define choice in motherhood when many women are deprived of bodily autonomy, food, shelter and any form of contraception?


Choice. This is rarely considered as a mother is expected to raise any child, wanted or not, biologically related or not. If she chooses to end her pregnancy through an abortion, for example, she is called a a murderer. She is called a murderer because she has radically stepped out of her impending role of motherhood. When a woman is raped, even - many will tell her that she should keep the rapist's baby and house it for 9 months. A woman is expected to care for a rapist's child because it is seen as her duty and hers alone. A woman is not to complain or reach a breaking point - she is not to get angry or refuse care to others.  


Women are not to refuse motherhood.


A refusal of motherhood is a refusal of a very deeply embedded social role. The social role and the subsequent oppression is based on the same idea of the natural woman - it is what maintains this oppression of mothers world-wide and sustains sexism and misogyny in general. It does so by assuming a woman's worth is based on her fulfillment of her social roles - roles set up not by nature, but by patriarchy and capitalism.